Trust is probably one of the most important aspects of any relationship. But why? And how do you build it?
For many years I have been running team workshops with very diverse groups of people from different generations, nationalities, cultural backgrounds, beliefs, etc. In these workshops the team members are usually asked what they expect from the team, and what sort of virtues are important for them to work together successfully and harmoniously. Regardless of background, experience levels, or work areas, two things always made the top of the list: Trust and Honesty.
Today we are going to focus on trust and how to build it.
But what is Trust after all?
Trust is nothing more than a feeling. A human emotion that we have towards other people. In terms of relationships, trust means that you believe you can depend on someone, a feeling of confidence and sometimes a belief in the chance that someone will act in a certain way.
Like most feelings, it can’t be bought or forced onto someone, but rather it needs to be developed between people, and it usually takes time.
Trust is central to all our human relationships and all interactions as a civilization. From parenting, to believing in the value of money, trust is the base of it all. Trust influences behaviour and relationships, therefore it is key when working with others.
The Harvard Business Review has issued a number of articles about trust, and they define it by being composed of main 3 elements:
Authenticity: People experience the real you. They can perceive your humanity and feel you are true to them.
Logic: People understand your reasoning. They believe your judgement is sound, and in your capabilities.
Empathy: People believe you care about them and their success.
In a way I believe these are very similar to Aristotle’s rhetoric as how they relate to Ethos, Logos and Pathos. If you are interested in Greek philosophy, maybe consider looking into that.
The different ways we trust
I believe that people trust others for a number of reasons and in different ways at different occasions. For example, imagine you have a childhood friend who you grew up with. As children, you spent hours on end together and always cared for each other. You know this person cares for you and has your best interest in mind. At the same time your childhood friend has made terrible professional decisions, they have screwed up most of their jobs and work relationships, have been careless with their money and now can’t seem to find a stable job. Maybe you wouldn’t hesitate when it comes to asking this person to babysit for you, or to take care of your dogs, or to talk about your feelings, however, you would probably think twice before wanting to start a company together or invite them to work at your company.
Does this sound familiar? That’s because we have different ways of trusting. The trust you have with this old friend is an affective trust, or as HBR would describe, it is based on empathy. You both feel that you care and can depend on each other. On the other hand, in order to delegate a task, or go on a professional venture, we often resort to cognitive trust, or logic, meaning a logical evaluation of the persons abilities, judgement and reasoning. The third kind of trust is vulnerability based trust, which relates to authenticity. People can only develop this kind of trust, if you are willing to show the real you, which means all aspects of you. In the work place people can see your strengths and weaknesses, the moments when you are successful and when you make mistakes or don’t know the answer. The truth is, people can see this anyway, but in order to build vulnerability based trust, you need to be open about them and seek support, so people can see your humanity and relate to you.
Now comes the hard part, different people have different needs and expectations when it comes to trust. Whilst some people may be absolutely happy to work together with someone they barely know, as long as they have the right experience and competences, others will not dare to work together with someone before getting to know them personally, and emotionally. This varies from person to person, and cultural background (including nationality), life experience and upbringing may play a massive role on it. In truth, if you want to be highly successful at building trust at work, you will need to practice and be able to build trust using all of the 3 elements.
How to build trust?
According to research done by Dr. Brené Brown, trust is built by little things in life that have great meaning to people, such as showing up when someone needs you, or showing that you care about them or their loved ones. In addition, she discovered that one of the most effective ways to build trust is by showing vulnerability. It seems that when it comes to building trust in relationships, vulnerability and affective based trust are the most powerful ways to start. Dr. Brené Brown has a number of books available, and a lot of content on the power of vulnerability.
There are many great authors that have studied highly successful teams and the ways they build trust. Having considered the different elements of trust and a number of cases, here are some methods I believe can be useful when trying to build trust in your work relationships:
1. Listen
Actively listen to those around. Listen intensely, with your ears, but also with your eyes! Use all your senses to perceive others and make a real effort to understand them. It is also important to show that you are listening and understanding them. Feeling understood is one of the great ways to start creating trust.
2. Create safety and belonging
The feeling of belonging is extremely powerful and yet easily overlooked. When people feel like they belong, like they are a part of something, they feel accepted and that unlocks a lot of potential in them. Use language that shows your team members are valued, and focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. Make sure your team feels they are stronger together. Overdo your use of “thank you”, and show appreciation as much as possible. Try to acknowledge both positive behaviour, as well as traits of character. Replace fear by safety, meaning that you should try to remove any cues in your communication, behaviour and culture that promote fear (of being fired, reprimanded, told off, humiliation, etc.), and instead use belonging cues that show you are a team with a common purpose and you all want the best outcome.
Some organisations that are great at creating belonging are: the Scouts, Pixar, the US Navy Seals, the San Antonio Spurs (Basketball team).
Remember: Nobody signs up to do a bad job.
3. Be vulnerable
Being vulnerable means being able to show your weaknesses and ask for support. Teams function best when they all know their strengths and weaknesses, and individuals can use their strengths to support each other's weak points, and at the same time support each other's development. This can only happen if every member of the group is ready to be vulnerable, and in most cases it requires the leaders to take the first step and set the example.
Some things you can do to promote healthy vulnerability are:
Admit your mistakes
Be willing to acknowledge your weaknesses
Ask for help!
Seek constructive feedback
Promote humility
4. Be honest and transparent
If people have the feeling that you are not telling the truth, it will be harder for them to trust you. Honesty is key in any relationship and an important aspect of trust. It goes hand in hand with transparency. Take time to explain your decisions and the reasoning behind them. Try to ensure your actions match your words. Stick and stay true to your values and the values of the organization. And remember, being honest does not equal being rude. You can always be honest with respect and tact.
5. Extend trust to others
This is a simple one, yet easier said than done. If you want others to trust you, you can start by depositing trust in others. Take actions that will show that you trust and have confidence in them. Sohw that you trust others by giving them opportunities to take responsibility and show their commitment. More often than not, they will step up to the challenge.
6. Take responsibility
This is common knowledge, but not common practice. In order to build trust, you need to be (and act!) responsible for your life. Take responsibility over your actions, words, decisions and behaviour. When you accept that you are responsible and take a proactive approach to life, you become the master of your actions and everything you do is because you chose to. This is key to not becoming a “victim” and letting your behaviour be a reaction to external stimulus, provocation, moods, stress, etc.
This also means you alone, are responsible for your performance, inspiring trust on others, relationships, and of course mistakes. People are more likely to trust you if you show you take responsibility over your life and actions.
7. Ask for help
This is an extension to being vulnerable, but it’s so important it deserves a highlight. Asking for help can be seen by many a weakness, and again, there is a stigma and misconception about showing your weaknesses at work. However, when you ask for help you remind yourself and others that you are human, it denotes humility, trust in others, belonging, cooperation, willingness to continue learning and even synergy. This is something that every one can and should do more often. Ask for help!
8. Constantly provide feedback
Practice makes better. Many of us don’t practice providing feedback enough (nor receiving it, to be honest). The only way to get better at it is to practice. There are numerous benefits to proactively and consistently providing feedback, and they go beyond building trust, also improving your communication skills and increasing motivation. Providing feedback in an appropriate and timely manner is an act of care. It shows that you care about people and you want to support them in achieving their full potential. You can either find a structured way to do it, be it through debriefs, 1on1s or just spontaneous moments. As for your own motivation, I always found that providing positive feedback as therapeutic. On days when I struggled to keep myself motivated, I would usually take a walk around the office and provide positive feedback to the members of the staff, not trivial things, but truly impressive achievements, or traits of their character that I appreciated. In a matter of minutes, not only would I put a smile on many faces, I would also return to my desk feeling reenergized and motivated.
9. Be patient
This is one most of us struggle with. Considering the extreme speed of information flow nowadays, and how technology has made our access to a number of things almost instantaneous, we seem to forget that not everything can be purchased or downloaded with the click of a button. Certainly building trust, is among many others such as, feeling fulfilled in your job, self-awareness, gaining experience, building a network, getting to know people, and the list goes on. Such things take time, so it will require patience and dedication. But the benefits pay off.
So there you have it, whilst there are many other ways to build trust, and probably each item on the list deserves a blog post to themselves, I hope that these tips can be useful for you in your workspace or any relationship.
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