I have always been fascinated by languages and communication in general. Since I was a kid I strived to learn different languages, and I have grown to become a little obsessed with how languages shape the way we think and develop as human beings.
We can access our thoughts mostly through language, so the language that we use has an impact on how we think. For example, generally speaking, in Swedish, when you talk about your grandmother, you need to use one of the two options: Mormor or Farmor. The first one means the mother of the mother, and the second one means the mother of the father. The same goes for grandfather, with Morfar and Farfar.
In English, you could easily introduce someone to your uncle by saying “Hey, this is my uncle Joe”. However, in Mandarin, there’s no generic word for uncle. You would have to specify if Joe is an uncle from your father’s or mother’s side, whether he was an uncle by marriage or by birth, and if he was a brother of your father, you would have to determine if he is older or younger than your father. How complex is that? It makes me tired just by remembering the number of uncles I had growing up in Brazil.
By default, words in the English language are gender-neutral, whereas in Spanish each word is either masculine or feminine. German has three genders for words. How does that impact our perception of the world? In Portuguese, the name of most professions related to power and prestige (such as politicians, doctors, lawyers, surgeons, engineers, super-heroes) are by default used in their masculine form. Does that reflect and influence gender roles?
If you are interested in how our languages can completely influence our cognitive abilities, I suggest these two TED talks that go further into this:
What about the influence of language over how we feel?
My studies and practice of Neuro-linguistic Programming have shown me how our language can have a strong impact on our feelings, emotions and even identity.
I believe the world would be a better place if we were all more aware of our language bias and used responsible language. By responsible language I mean, language that communicates our responsibility over our own selves, as well as language that stays true to our intentions.
Something I like to focus on is using the right language to express ourselves. Certainly, we are in charge of our own language, the words and expressions we use. It definitely falls under our circle of influence. However, too often, we use reactive language, that indicates a lack of choice, or decision. For example, you can often hear people saying, “I have to go to this event”, “I don’t have a choice, I need to…”, or even, “That person annoys me, they stress me out…” (The last example shows how we let other people control how we feel - we empower them rather than ourselves). We use these words and expressions often out of frustration. They denote that we don’t feel in control, and by constantly repeating them, we start to believe and validate feelings of being trapped, powerless or victimized. It becomes a vicious cycle. We use reactive language that indicates we are powerless. Our language programs our brain to believe this message. We go on to think and use language that reinforces our victimization. Feeling trapped yet?
Instead, you could turn it into a responsible cycle. Use your language to proactively influence how you feel. Use language to describe not only how things are, but also how you would like them to be, and slowly you will notice that by using responsible language you will validate feelings of responsibility and control in your life. It is also important to use responsible language to admit our failures and mistakes. It is a good way to detach yourself from your mistakes, and realize they are actions and things that can be improved in the future. Responsible language focused on expressions such as, “I choose to...”, “I decide to…”, etc.
Consciously using your language in a responsible way, is a small, but powerful step you can take towards leaving a more responsible life.
Here are some examples of how to use responsible language in your everyday life:
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